so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
