Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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