woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
