That's when you crack a 10am beer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
