she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
