It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
COCAINE IS GR8
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
