So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
