I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
