NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
