she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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