Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
