I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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