Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
