I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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