Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have post one night stand depression
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