So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
