My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
