I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
