I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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