I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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