There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
