I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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