He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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