I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
