I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
