Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
