Apparently you make a good broom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
