Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
