I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
