My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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