3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
there is glitter all over my balls
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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