Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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