You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
