Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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