somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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