you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
