why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
