We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
