I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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