Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
