I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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