You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
