I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
