I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
