She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
