I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
