I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
