we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
