11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
