Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
