OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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