Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
