get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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