i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
